469. Birdemic: Shock And Terror (2008)

Starring: Alan Bagh, Whitney Moore, Tippi Hedren

Director: James Nguyen

Running Time: 95 mins

Birdemic: Shock And Terror is an American film about a flock of evil and diseased eagles and vultures that wreak havoc on a small Californian town, where one man must save himself and his friends from this terrible apocalypse.

For one thing, the reign of Nazis At The Centre Of The Earth as the worst film of all time is over! And now, with this film demonstrating the absolute epitome of so-bad-it’s-absolutely-terrible-and-unbearable-to-watch, I’m afraid to say that this is one of the worst possible cinema experiences of all time.

I absolutely despise every single thing about this stupid atrocity of a film. Not only is it an idiotic story, but it’s so unbelievably badly made, with the sound cutting out every second or so, the soundtrack being completely inappropriate, and don’t get me started on the visual effects.

In fact, I will start on the visual effects, which are just appalling. The birds are just 2D drawings that fly vaguely near to people’s heads when they ‘violently’ kill them, and it’s so bad that it’s not even funny to watch.

Among the appalling soundtrack and sound editing, one of the other terrible aspects is the acting. The two children in this film are better actors than anybody else, because the rest of the cast stare blankly at each other, deliver their lines with such monotony, and often make blatant mistakes on camera.

The story of this film is also just terrible. Although the bird epidemic may seem like a relatively fun idea, you only see it for the last 50 minutes of the film, and even then it’s pretty dull. For the first 40 minutes, though, it just shows one guy making a girlfriend, making small talk with his repair man and driving a car occasionally, and that is definitely the most boring 40 minutes I’ve ever spent in my life.

The other horrific thing about this is the stupid environmental message it’s got ‘beneath’. In something like Avatar, where you’ve got this horrible message being shoved down your throat, it’s pretty unpleasant, but when it’s being delivered so blatantly, monotonously and irrelevantly as it is here, it really is a horrible thing to watch.

Overall, this gets a 0.0. Absolutely nothing. I think you know why.