1583. Ewoks: The Battle For Endor (1985)

Starring: Wilford Brimley, Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller

Director: Jim Wheat, Ken Wheat

Running Time: 94 mins

Ewoks: The Battle For Endor is an American film and the sequel to Caravan Of Courage: An Ewok Adventure. Following the events of the previous adventure, Cindel becomes an orphan, and joins together with Wicket as the Ewoks battle to defend their home against a powerful invader.

Just like last time out, I don’t really know what these Ewok movies have to offer. It’s a painfully bland and boring 90 minutes, as we watch a young girl roam around a forest with a squeaking teddy bear, with next to no character development or action-packed excitement in sight. A kids’ film it may be, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that The Battle For Endor is a completely empty and totally tedious watch from start to finish.

Of course, comparing this to the actual Star Wars saga is pretty irrelevant, given the huge difference in budget, as well as on-screen and off-screen talent. The worst moments of the prequels even look like cinematic gold in comparison to this, and it reaches the point where, particularly after having endured the previous film, it’s no longer funny, just really, really underwhelming.

If you’re a four year old kid from the 1980s who plays with Ewok toys, then this may offer some fun for you, but for the rest of humanity, there’s nothing in this film that gives you any reason to keep watching. The film’s one ’emotional’ moment is rushed through early on, and effectively forgotten after endless shots of Cindel and Wicket walking around Endor.

The two bump into an old man who helps the Ewoks fight against some incredibly generic villain, but that doesn’t improve the entertainment value at all. In fact, it seems that this film, even more so than Caravan Of Courage and even The Star Wars Holiday Special, has no idea what universe it’s meant to be set in.

Sure, it doesn’t have to be as nerdy as the main saga, but the fact remains that this film feels more like a kids’ TV show set in medieval times, featuring witches and some random animal warriors, and, if it weren’t for the Ewoks, wouldn’t make you think for a second that it’s got anything to do with the galaxy far, far away.

When it comes to the acting and directing, there’s very little to say. Just like the last film, the performances feel as wooden as anything, and come across like the patronising acting you get on TV designed for babies. The directing isn’t much better, as the film seems to drag on for an eternity, failing to give any spark whatsoever to the story at hand, whilst also not doing anything to mask the laughably bad production value.

Overall, Ewoks: The Battle For Endor is as bad as it sounds. Just like the previous movie, it offers nothing in the way of entertainment, failing at every moment to keep you interested in what’s going on. Light years away from anything to do with Star Wars, it’s easy to see why these spin-off movies didn’t stick around, something that we can only Rogue One can put right, and that’s why I’m giving this film a 4.0.